Of Haggis, Whiskey and Palm Trees

Well here I am reporting in from the land of haggis and whiskey. For those not in the know, Im on leave for five weeks as I flew home to the UK to visit family.

Firstly, for all those who placed a bet that my luggage would arrive at the same time as me, top marks! You are now the proud recipients of a hamper full of wee sample bottles of alcohol stolen from the plane! This year i was organized and had made sure i had a couple of changes of clothes n knickers in my hand luggage so if my bag went awol i would still be ok. Imagine my surprise when i stood at the baggage carousel waiting for my luggage to be offloaded and tada! out comes my bag..in fact one of the first to be offloaded. I nearly shit with excitement. In fact, i was so amazed that i missed grabbing it and had to wait for it to come around again. I then flung it on my trolley and wheeled it out to where my sister was waiting for me with the biggest grin on my face...i was well pleased i can tell you. I had the look of someone who had won the lottery!!

Some of you may well ask why i was so excited at getting my bag..see back since i can remember( and nowadays thats not too far), every time ive returned to the UK they lose my bag! Last year was the worst when i had to wait 10 days for my bag as the bloody thing never left Singapore! So believe me, this was a huge event worthy of celebration...which we did. In fact we have been celebrating every night for the last week.

The weather the first few days I was here was glorious, almost tropical...not something you tend to think of when you imagine Scotland. It all went to hell in a handbasket the other day though and became positively Baltic, necessitating heating being turned on. My sister has this gorgeous wood fire/stove type thing in her living room and i have to admit i was quite pleased to just sit in front of it toasting my arse.

Talking of arses, one of the worst things about the cold climates ive discovered...freezing cold toilet seats! OMG the horror of waking up in the middle of the night to go to the loo, sit down and almost have a heart attack at this sudden freezing cold slab against your lovely warm bum!! Now i know why people here have such large arses...its insulation against freezing cold toilet seats!! All you people with large arses can now hold your head up high and snigger at the smaller arsed versions who you KNOW are dying every night when they go to the toilet! Honestly this gives me a perfect excuse to quit the diet and head for the nearest bakery to indulge in a dozen cream buns and chocolate cake....

And talking of cake. The other night we all went out for dinner to a lovely Italian restaurant as a belated birthday dinner for my sister. Meal was fabulous as was the bubbly which we consumed like bloody 7Up! I swear my sister and i have no sense when it comes to alcohol...its all or nothing..However, let me get back to the meal. Being the piggy I am, i decided i was going to have dessert as well and ordered this thing on the menu called a Chocolate Melt. Well this rather boring looking thing almost like a muffin appeared with a dollop of vanilla icecream on the side, i was thinking well crap, this doesnt look like much but took a spoonful...OMG I almost had an orgasm right there at the table!!! it was the most divine thing ive ever eaten..it was like chocolate cake on the outside but the inside was melted chocolate!! Chocolate lovers of the world will understand my excitement and the comparision to amazing sex. This thing should be on a pedastal and people pay homage to it!! If i do nothing else this trip that dessert will have been worth the trip. In fact, Im thinking I need to head back there for another before i return home lmao!

This Thursday my sister and I are taking off up to the North of Scotland for our road trip. Last year we had great fun and our route this year looks to be just as spectacular. As we have gotten older we realize we need to make time for sisterly bonding so this is now our annual event. We are known as the Thermals (we started off as Thelma and Louise but due to us both having hot flashes we changed it to The Thermals lmao) and shall hot flash our way round the highlands. lochs and glens of bonny scotland! If its anything like last year I shall also get chatted up by aging (we are talking at least 75-80 yr olds) crofters eager to show me their cottage, dirty ole pervs! Photos will be taken never fear. We should return to Edinburgh sometime on Sunday full of stories etc.

So far i havent really done to much as i got a bad cold on the way over here...i was terrified as i got off the plane at Heathrow that they might lock me up thinking i had swine flu...that would have been bloody annoying to say the least.

Well thats it for now from your intrepid explorer, I will report in after the Thermals have returned from the road trip. In the meantime take care and good ole Bratty hugs all round!